Here are the helpful things from the book “Get out of your own way” by Dave Hollis that we can apply to our lives to have a more fulfilling life.

• Redefine how we measure success in our work. Instead of caring about what other people see and feel about you, focus on what really matters, what has the most impact, and where you are using your gifts with maximum opportunity.
• We need to take responsibility for our career growth without waiting for anyone else and test our skills in new and less comfortable ways that will produce growth.
• Make a conscious choice to advocate for others and be an ally; this will transform the way you look at your work and will build your personal brand as well.
• Never be afraid to ask questions due to the pride that you want to be seen as a knowledgeable person; otherwise, you will stay ignorant and full of pride.
• Consider your inexperience at something an opportunity instead of a liability. It is an opportunity because you see it from a new perspective and are not in the day-to-day operations. It can help identify things that are not visible to the people who are experiencing them. In most cases, a blend of new eyes and old hands has produced extraordinary results.
• Consider vulnerability as your strength. If you need help, being honest and vulnerable increases your chances of getting it.
• Preemptively acknowledging your weaknesses has proven to be a bonding agent in relationships. Being honest about your weaknesses and how you overcame them will humanize you and help others as well.
• Substitute drinking (used for calming nerves) with working out, sitting in therapy, talking with mentors, and being honest with your business partner/wife. And if you feel it is hard to stop drinking, have an accountability partner.
• Do not let shame become part of your identity, and have empathy for yourself. If needed, talk to someone to help you evict the shame you have been carrying.
• Everyone goes through struggles and learns to turn their pain into power by learning from them.

I’m the strongest I’ve been because of the mistakes I’ve made.

Dave Hollis

• It’s ok to ask for help from experts who could help you with your mental health and overcome the mistakes you have made.
• Be more intentional with the thoughts you give weight to. If you start listening to everyone’s opinions, it dilutes the power of the opinions that actually matter.
• Isolate what is real and what is imagined when it comes to other people’s opinions. Ask yourself: Is your feeling of insecurity a product of actually hearing someone say something, or are you assuming that they are thinking about something that may or may not exist? Our emotional selves sometimes contrive a version of events, but when the more objective part of us steps in, most of the time we find out that it was not correct.

Get yourself into a mindset of trying things that will help you grow even if they don’t make sense to other people. Start small, celebrate your success and use your growing confidence as the momentun you’ll need to push further.

Dave Hollis

• Prioritize which hills to take, as losing some battles to win a war is a thing.
• Be open to listening to other’s points of view, and if you find yourself wrong, yield and pivot.

When you value achieving the goal over being right about the best way to get there, you. not only get there faster because of the new possibilities you’ve opened yourself up to, you’ve likely endeared yourself to your partner or team who have become accomplices in getting you there.

Dave Hollis

• If you place extraordinary importance on stability and certainty, it becomes a prison for you that keeps you from reaching your potential.
• Learn from the failures of others on the way to their successes.
• Force yourself to say yes to things that make you feel uncomfortable.
• Seek advice from the people who have been in that situation. e.g. parents with kids older or same age as yours, etc
• Visualize the outcome and not the problem. Taking responsible risks while keeping an eye on the outcome will give you the strength to do what you are uncomfortable doing. For example, it is hard for parents to let go of their kids. Visualize the outcome you want, i.e. independent, responsible and respectable kids, and work backwards to figure out how you can achieve that.
• Do not try to fix small things that your kids can fix by themselves and have the opportunity to learn.
• Know your personal brand, your strengths, and your weaknesses.
• Decide ten thing you would like other people describe you with and consistently embody them. This is how you will start defining your personal brand.
• Be aware that, when you start believing something negative about yourself, it can be hard to see the evidence that debunks the lies.
• Challenege the things you think and push back on why you think the things you do, because many of those thoughts are voices in your head of a crazy person.

If you don’t take time to think about what you think about, you may just believe those thoughts in your head, even the ones. that aren’t true.

Dave Holiis

• All feelings are part of who we are, so accept them and feel okay admitting them. Denying feeling like fear, regret, joy, etc would be denying a huge part of who you are.
• Feeling things is the way we know we are alive, so involve children in your sadness and celebrations. It will help them feel comfortable in expressing the emotions they feel.
• When we want things in life to get better, we need to work on them, and that includes relationships as well. Having an exceptional relationship will not happen without work.
• Be mindful of whose advice you are listening to based on their track record.
• Being uncomfortable at times, but dealing with small discomfort to get on the same page, is widely better than letting things fester, as it creates resentment or becomes issues that are hard to defuse.
• Maintain healthy boundaries even with people who are impartant in your life. Strangely, some times we give people grace proportionate to the amount of time they have been in our lives. For example, if someone was with you in school, it does not mean that they took advantage of you and your family. If someone is related to your aunt, it does not mean that they leech off you.

Know the lines you have to draw for everyone important in your life, the ones that keep your relationships about you and not what you can afford others, and then hold all your relationships (even those people you’ve known forever) to that standard.

Dave Hollis

• Surround yourself with a diverse community. Sometimes we grow because of the differences we have.
• In hard times, when you are not believing yourself and questioning your worth, remember that there are people who trust you and believe in your worth and the work you do. It will help lift you up and provide you with a platform where you can achieve the impact you are capable of.
• Have clarity about your goals, and then make a list of the things that keep you from reaching them and what you need to do to reframe the lies you believe to keep you out of your own way.

If you aren’t in the habit of disrupting your prospective for the benefit of seeing life through someones else’s lens, put it on the calender and force yourself outside your normal routine. Your. mind will be blown.

Dave Hollis

• Keep the most important things, the most important things. Do not worry about what others will think or what your family traditions are.
• Most of the time, critics intentions are good and they are criticing you because of the love they have for you or they want you to be successful. Take the advice at face value and decide if it applies to your life objectively.
• When you start feeling guilty about something, ask yourself, “Where is that guilt is coming from and should I be giving that source power over me?
• Make a list of non-negotiables and commit to them doggedly. e.g. eat dinner with family at 6:30 exercise daily, etc and do not let anything get in your way.